SICK!

All I have to say is I'm sick of being sick. I will be home, again, today sick (2nd time in 10 days with the pukes) so I'll try to blog a bit between my naps.Yay for you all, boo for me!
~j

I Should Win An Award...

for being the worst blogger ever! Sorry to my faithful readers for the horrible blogging I've been doing this year. I think I've said it before, but whenever I have time to sit and blog I just feel like sitting and doing nothing. Work is pretty stressful for me this year (teaching 2 programs is hard!), Tegan is still pretty darn naughty (independent might be a better/nicer word for it) and C is still up once a night to nurse (even 2x the past few nights - I think my milk supply is quickly diminishing). Needless to say I'm mentally and physically exhausted - despite no longer being in training for a marathon (which I now only get a good run in once a week. Dang daylight savings time and it being nearly dark by the time I get home.)

Tegan getting his turn at the firehose at the Savage Fire Dept. Open House in Oct.

OK - what to update you all on? EVERYTHING - I know! I think I'll post in small installments so check back for more throughout the weekend. :)

Sitting on the front of a fire truck - SO excited! :)

Tegan is still very much 3 (even though I've tried to teach him to say that he's 3 and a 1/2).

Lifting the heavy Fireman tool

He has decided that he wants to stop growing and getting bigger and be "free" (aka 3) forever. That's a story in itself. We were in the car on the way to or from daycare (can't remember which at this point):
Tegan - Mom, can I tell you someping?
Me - Sure, sweetie.
Tegan - I wanna stay free forever.
Me (thinking "Stay free"? How does he know about the maxipads?!) - Why is that, buddy?
Tegan - because I don't wanna go to pretty school (have I mentioned on here that he calls preschool "pretty school"?)
Me (light bulb goes on above head) - oh sweetie! Don't worry, preschool is so much fun! You'll love it! All of your friends in preschool love it and have so much fun.
Tegan - I don't like it. It isn't fun. I wanna stay free forever. It's scary!
Me - You know what? You don't need to worry about that because you won't be going to preschool for almost a year anyway. So let's just not worry about that.
Tegan - well I just don't wanna grow any more.

Ready for trick-or-treating - arrr, Matey!

Poor guy is scared, scared, scared! He brings up daily how he just doesn't want to go to pretty school and needs to be "free" forever. I try to just change the subject but that tactic is only occasionally successful. When it doesn't work I try to remind Tegan of all the fun things he wouldn't be able to do if he stopped growing and getting older - aside from the fact that we can't stop time. I don't know what brought on this fear - especially since all of his friends that are in preschool LOVE it.

At the pumpkin patch - poor T wasn't feeling well that day, though :(

OK - all for now. I'm cold and tired and want to veg out on the couch (it's going to be along week next week - conferences. Ugh!)

I'll work on getting some pictures posted soon. Love to all!
~j

Halloween 2010

I'm not even going to make excuses for my lack of blogging other than the fact that I'm behind on EVERYTHING in my life right now...

Here's a few pics of my little love-bugs from this evening. T was SO excited to go trick-or-treating and C enjoyed riding along in the wagon and being outside (despite the cold).




OH - and C turned 10 months old today... this is the most decent picture I got of her on the red chair. May have to try these again tomorrow with some help. She kept trying to crawl over the side and at one point crawled off the front. Needless to say she's rarely sitting still. :)

OK - it's late...

Love to all!!!
~j

8 Month Spread

Long overdue view of how my little girl has grown to be so big! 8 months old! Nearly 8 1/2 months, actually - where has the time gone?!


More details in the latest T and C news to come... I'll give a hint - think of an inchworm...
Take care and love to all!
~jenn

All Good Things Must Come to an End

It's official - I no longer get to spend my days with my kiddos. My 2 love bugs started daycare on Monday... last Monday actually. Even though I didn't go back to work until this past Monday (8/23) I decided to start the kiddos a week early to give C some extra adjustment time and give myself a week to get some last projects done around the house and at school.


The adjustment hasn't been too horrible on C, though she still cries daily at drop-off. The first night she was up hourly wanting to nurse - really just spend time with me, I'm sure, but it was still tiring. Tuesday night was a bit better, though she was up at 10:04 and I let her cry that one out. She had barely gone 3 hours since her last feeding so I knew she wasn't truly hungry. She gave it her all, though, and cried for nearly an hour (even with me going in 2 times to soothe her). Wednesday night was GREAT! My little girl was only up once. YAY, Casey! She even continued that trend (up once a night) until this Wednesday night when I had Open House at school and got home just in time to put her to bed (after she'd spent the evening with neighbors as B had a bike race). Needless to say I don't think I got to sleep myself until nearly 1, then T appeared sometime shortly after 2, I think, and then C was up again at 3 or 4. I don't even know. All I know is that I didn't get more than a few hours of true sleep - it did not make for a good day for me mentally yesterday. Last night she was up 3 times again but they were more spread out and I was able to get some decent sleep in. Still woke up tired but not quite as tired as yesterday...

T enjoying an ice cream cone

Here's a peek at an added reason why I think C's been extra cranky (even for us at home). Can you see them? Yes, Miss C has cut 3 teeth in the past DAY and the 4th cut a few weeks back while on vaca. OUCH!

The 3 most important people in my life.

I can't believe how big Casey is getting. Seriously - look at her! (She's gonna be so mad at me someday for posting this isn't she?! hehehe)Developmentally Casey continues to grow and mature daily. She now will roll wherever she wants to go/be. She sits alone well and will now usually use her hands and arms to correct her position if she starts to tip over. She is still VERY much a Mommy's girl - but I am fine with that as it says a lot about our relationship.

Brendan thinks this towel is awfully strange. I think it's so cute! ;)

She will let others hold her if she can't see me while it's happening otherwise there's tears and crying - and she's got quite a voice! She L-O-V-E-S to go "swimming" and wade around the pool with Brendan or myself holding her. She just loves the water and doesn't mind getting splashed in the face and, in fact, is usually causing the splashing :) Need to get some pics of this activity - her smile when swimming is priceless.

She adores Tegan! It's so sweet watching the 2 of the interact...

If Tegan could hold and carry C around he would be in heaven, though he knows she's too heavy so he doesn't try (thank GOD!).

He and Brendan are the 2 people who can really get her giggling... she smiles and gets excited with me but rarely giggles unless it's something B or T is doing.

C getting frustrated with T going nuts on her exersaucer toys - I don't blame her.

As far as Tegan goes - the everyday daycare schedule (well M-Th) has already done wonders for him. Rarely are there tears in the morning now whereas when it was just the 1 day a week (his summer schedule) it was always rough for us all as there was a tantrum every Wednesday morning. So I'm glad the tantrums are done and the smiles at drop off are back!!!
I just finished downloading the pictures off of the memory cards from both cameras covering who knows how long! (too long, that's for sure!) I'll start with the most recent and work my way back as I continue to post (no promises on how often I post, though. Sorry - this week has been crazy for me back at school.)

Doesn't C look like T here?!

A few nights ago Brendan decided it was time to take the training wheels off of T's bike. Note that I said that Brendan decided it was time, not Tegan... needless to say there were tears... so B decided to try it out. Ha!!!
I think I already mentioned a post or 2 ago that we spent a week in the WI Dells. Needless to say we all had a fabulous time! It was truly one of those vacations where the week was up and we could have easily stayed another several days and not been homesick - it was that fun! We enjoyed activities ranging from a winery tour and wine tasting (adults only) to a tour on the Original Wisconsin Ducks (former Army vehicles that are amphibious), "speed cars" (as T called them) and a mini-rollercoaster We even went to the Ringling Brothers' Circus Museum.There was lots and lots of pool time which I don't have any pictures of! (How did that happen?!) I also got most of my training runs in for the week and B got in several bike rides including one that lasted over 5 hours! Yes, we were getting pretty worried about the guys that day. OH - and at the Circus Museum they had a Thomas train table. Really?! So what did T want to play with? The Thomas trains (that were really circus train cars). Seriously, Kid. We've got a train table at home. Silliness I tell you!
As my summer vacation/break started to wind down I made it a point to make it to as many of the playdates organized by my coworkers as possible as we had missed nearly all of them due to naps, vacations, daycare and other scheduling conflicts. I think the year Tegan was born was the first year they started and there were about 5 or 6 kids in the play group at that point. Now there's at least twice that many kids, if not more, as there are now siblings and a whole new set of mommies and kiddos. I think we ended up making it to 3 playdates in 3 weeks (YAY!) and they included the MN Zoo, MN Children's Museum and well... maybe it was just 2. Ha! Anyway - fun was had by all and my only regret is not making it out to more as Tegan always really enjoyed himself - Casey, too, for that matter.

Gettin' close to bedtime but still cute as a button!

At the zoo Tegan had one goal - see the bears. Lately Tegan has been what some might call "obsessed" with bears. He always wants to know/be reminded where the bears "that eat people" live. He believes that those are the polar bears and they live at the north pole near Santa (maybe that's why Santa only ventures out once a year???). In his eyes the rest of the bears only eat berries and fish, just like the Berenstain Bears. However, he does understand that you should always leave bears alone and you never want to get between a mother bear and her cubs because she wants to keep them safe and gets very angry and mean if there are people near her babies. Interestingly, though, I found some super cute pj's that had an applique grizzly bear on them but Tegan absolutely did NOT want them because the grizzly bears are "very really mean and scare me a lot, Mommy!" --- Back to the zoo - Once Tegan saw the bears (3 that had been abandoned by their moms and then rescued in Alaska) he started to notice the other animals and exhibits. Unfortunately Casey's attention and patience for sitting in the stroller were running short so we didn't go back through and see all the animals, though we did stop at the water fountains on the way out. T loved them! We did peek at a few including the sea otters, penguins (I think) and others from the Grizzly Coast exhibit (interesting name as the bears there were Brown Bears, not Grizzlies...). I think other than the bears T's favorite was the "boiling mud". Doubt it was actually boiling at the zoo but along the Grizzly Coast it does exist. We did also visit the Farm animals but that was actually before the bears and was OK'd by T as there was a real tractor that he was able to climb up on and "drive."
The MN Children's Museum was pretty darn fun, too. Even though C had a good time and was even able to interact with a few of the activities I think this would have been more fun for T and I if we would have left C with Grandma or a 'sitter. Between nursing C and working around her naps we only were able to spend 2 hours or so there and I'm pretty sure T had the stamina to see more. Another time, right?! I was very impressed with how well Tegan played and shared with other children, even those that he'd never met before! He truly had a blast and I had one watching them both (especially T demonstrating his maturing personality).

OK - enough for now...

Love to all!
~j

Vaca

I haven't forgotten about the blog. No worries. We are on vacation this week with B's family. Just picture - "speed cars" (a.k.a. mini-race cars), The Original Wisconsin Ducks Tour, Outlet Mall, swimming pool, bumper cars, Wolersheim Winery Tour and wine tasting (adults only), and lots, lots more. We're all having a blast and there will be plenty of pictures to post - kids go back to daycare next week so I'll have time to do it then.

Love to all!
~j

Heaven

I recently read a birth story written by a mother who was unaware that her 2nd child had downs syndrome until the baby was born. In the story the mother shared all of her thoughts and emotions before, during and after her daughter's birth - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Since Ty's delivery, his physical birth, I've thought about writing his birth story, though I guess only he and God truly know what that was like since he was born into Heaven and the arms of Jesus. I still wish I could have known the moment my sweet baby boy met Jesus. I guess my thought is that since God got to have him I at least wanted to be there when he took him. No mother wants her child to meet the Lord before she does, but I'm guessing that if it's going to happen then just about any mother would want to be with her child when his time on Earth was finished. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's definitely how I feel. I guess I was there, but I just didn't know it - I wish I knew it.

OK - here we go - deep breath - another deep breath... you may want to grab a kleenex or 2.

This is part 1 of Ty's birth story:

On Monday, January 26th, 2009 my 2nd child, Ty, met his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Monday, January 26th wasn't like any other day. It was the day I was to help interview for my long term substitute for my maternity leave. I was SO excited as it was just one step closer to meeting my 2nd child, a boy, who was either going to be named Camden Gary or Ty Gary - we were going to wait to meet him before we made the final decision. All morning I sat in on interviews, asking questions, scribbling down answers, thinking about which prospective teacher would mesh best with my students. I think it was the last candidate that we chose, but I knew right away that she was the one I wanted in my classroom, teaching my students. We chatted a bit before the interview in the office and she had that cool confidence. After her interview I told my principal that she was the one - no question about it.

Upon returning to my classroom at lunch-time I found that my morning had not gone too well. I had a feeling that might happen - when I checked in on my sub before school she was confused by my lesson plans (despite them being excessively detailed). Whatever, what was done was done and the kids would be fine. The full-time paraprofessional in my classroom was out for the day so there was a sub in for her, too. My students, I knew, were going to be "off" since over the noon-time hour the para sub was with them. Nothing she did wrong, having a sub just throws schedules and such off...

The afternoon went well, seemed rushed but went well. The read aloud for the day was, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" by Iza Tripani. It meant nothing to me then, but looking back now it has more meaning - sometimes I do wonder if a star is born whenever someone dies... After school I had a feeling like I should plan out my week a bit more than I already had - I had a feeling my entire pregnancy that my baby would be born before his due date, even from the moment I learned I was pregnant.

Walking from the car into our daycare provider's house I briefly noted to myself that I hadn't really felt the baby move much, if at all, that day. Odd since he had always been a busy guy, but I brushed it off as nothing big - Tegan had days where he was exceptionally quiet in my belly. I just made sure to pay a bit more attention for movement on the drive home.

Brendan must have gotten home early that day because when I got home with Tegan he was already there, suiting up to go out for a bike ride (yes, in January). I mentioned to him that Baby had been quiet all day so I was going to go lay down for a bit since that usually got him up and moving and then T and I would be at church as it was the first night of a new session of our Parents and Me music class. Brendan said "OK" and reminded me that he had his cell if I needed to get a hold of him for anything. Brendan left and Tegan and I went downstairs so that he could play and I could lay on the couch.

Around 5:00 (maybe it was 5:03, that time is sticking out in my mind) I laid down. Tegan kept trying to crawl all over me and I kept pushing him off telling him that Mommy needed some quiet time. Baby Boy #2 (now known as Ty) always started moving and grooving after just a few minutes of my laying quietly.

5 minutes passed - no movement

10 minutes passed - no movement

15 minutes passed - no movement

For a brief moment I thought about going to music class to see if that got Baby moving but I decided it was time to call the midwife. I remember exactly what I said:

"I'm sure it's nothing, but I haven't felt Baby move much today."

She agreed that he was probably just being quiet but being that I had already laid down and wasn't getting movement I should go in. She also suggested that I eat something before I go in and maybe my blood sugar was just low and that would get him moving - I ate a bowl of clam chowder that wasn't very good.

I called Brendan and told him what was going on and that I didn't need him to come with me, I'd be fine. I took Tegan across the street thinking I'd be home in an hour. I carried him up the driveway being extra careful not to fall since it was icy. I then got in the car and drove the 10 min to the hospital. As I passed the Home Depot I called my mother-in-law and left her a message:

"Hi, Devin, it's Jenn. I'm sure it's nothing but I just wanted to call and let you know what's going on. I haven't felt Baby move much today so they want me to come in and be monitored for a bit."

I don't remember how I ended the message...

It was about 6:15 or 6:30 when I got to the hospital. I parked on the opposite side of the parking lot than I normally parked on, near a street light to be safe.

I forgot my cell phone in my car.

The nurses on at the Family Birth Place/Center (whatever the official name is) were expecting me. I was taken to room 305 and told that a nurse would be in shortly. While I waited I turned on HGTV and began watching House Hunters.

When the nurse arrived I recognized her. I don't remember the nurse's name but she was the same nurse who lead/taught the baby class Brendan and I took when I was pregnant with Tegan. I commented on the memory to her and asked if she'd had a boy or a girl as she was pregnant when she taught the class. She had a boy.

Note: From here on out for some reason I feel like "Baby" became "Ty"... not sure why I feel like it should change here, but I do (you'll read in the next post about how "Baby" became "Ty"). Just a FYI.

For a good 5 minutes she tried to find Ty's heartbeat. She asked if I'd felt any movement since I arrived and I casually said, "No." She talked to Ty, jiggled my belly and tried to find the heartbeat again and again with no success. She concluded that she just must not have had the touch that night and was going to have another nurse come in and give it a try. I'm sure she knew what had happened at that point. At 1 day shy of 34 weeks it should have been no problem finding a baby's heartbeat. The thought of how serious the situation really was had not even crossed my mind.

It had been just a week since my last appointment where Ty's heartbeat was good and strong.

I think this was the point that I called Brendan and updated him on what was going on. He was at the furthest point out on the trail, about 2 hours away. I can't remember if I asked him to or if it was his decision, but at that point he turned around and was going to come to the hospital. After talking to him hours or days or weeks later (I can't remember when he told me) Brendan says it was at that moment, when I told him that there was still no movement and they couldn't find a heartbeat, that he knew what had happened. He has since put up a small cross at that very spot that he was at when I called him. Last he checked it was still there.

Shortly after I talked to Brendan my midwife came in with a really old looking ultrasound machine. She said she'd see what she could see. After a few minutes of her "looking" around she explained that she was "no ultrasound tech" and since it was such an old machine it gave pretty messy pictures so she couldn't tell what she was seeing. She said she'd call ultrasound downstairs and have them come up with one of their machines that were state of the art. I'm sure she was just stalling things at that point. Me, I was still completely unaware of what was going on - I now view my ignorance as a blessing.

Brendan arrived right around 8:45 as I was about 1/2 way though another House Hunters episode. The couple was from the Twin Cities - I want to say Plymouth, but I can't be for sure on that. Right after Brendan arrived so did the ultrasound tech with her big, fancy u/s machine. It was the same u/s tech that had performed the 20 week ultrasound on me and told us how beautiful our baby's organs were and that our baby was, very clearly, a boy.

Someone turned the lights off just before the ultrasound began. The tech was talking up a storm, explaining that she was taking pictures to show the midwife. Then she stopped talking.

That's when I briefly thought of what could have caused her to stop talking but quickly brushed it off as her focusing on her work.

She then took a few more pictures and quickly cleaned the gel off my belly and said very plainly that she was done. As she left the room I jokingly asked her, "dare I ask?"

Her response: "I'll let Dawn tell you."

It was then I knew but tried to brush it off again. I looked at Brendan but I don't remember his face.

Dawn, our midwife, came in and just shook her head holding back tears and said 2 words I'll never forget.

"I'm sorry."

I lost it.

I screamed.

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" "WHY?!"

"I don't know," she said.

"When?"

"The ultrasound tech said that based on the level of clotting around his heart it's been about 4 hours."

4 hours would have put Ty's death at just around 5pm. Right when I was laying down to get him moving. I was aware of him when he died, probably, but not aware of what was truly happening.

It was around 5pm on Monday, January 26th, 2009 that my child was born - born into the arms of his Father. His heavenly birth.

Heaven - the home that my child was born into.

6 Months and Then Some

Today was Casey's official 6-month well baby check-up. Technically, though, she is 6 months and 13 days old, so almost 6.5 months (where has the time gone?!). Here are her measurements:
Weight: 18.5 pounds - 86 %ile
Height: 26.6 inches - 73 %ile
Head Circumference: 17.6 inches - 93 %ile

Aunt Amanda & Casey

I can't get over how big my little girl is getting! She has more than tripled her birth weight by gaining nearly 13 pounds since she was born. She has grown 8.1 inches in length and I don't even remember her head circumference at birth, I'd have to check, but it was tiny (I'm thinking 12 inches???).


We also learned today that Casey is old enough to start baby yogurt (whole milk yogurt). So, we stopped at the store on the way home and got that along with lots of other stuff we needed (mostly fruit, cereal and something to make for dinner). As soon as we got home I got the cold stuff in the fridge, snapped off a strawberry-banana w/cereal yogurt for Miss C and she L-O-V-E-D it! Ate the entire container (less 3 bites that T had to "try" it). She then played for a few minutes in her Jumperoo and was then ready for her morning nap. Couldn't go down without nursing, too, so the girl nursed AND ate an entire container of yogurt! No wonder she's 18.5 pounds! Oh, and did I mention she was up to eat 5 times last night?! SERIOUSLY, Casey! I need some sleep!


Tegan is also making some great gains in his development. The boy is getting closer and closer to sleeping through the night (have I mentioned that he hasn't done that consistently yet? Ever!) AND he now goes poop on the potty!!! Hallelujah! The only thing we have left to do as far as potty training goes is to get him to wake up and go in the potty during the night. No clue on how to do that as the kid sleeps like a rock (when he's asleep) and the need to pee does not wake him up. I now put him in Good Night's (the step above pull-ups for older kids who have bed-wetting troubles) because he was peeing through his nighttime diaper every night.


Hope this finds you all happy and healthy! Take care and...


Love to all!
~j