Heaven

I recently read a birth story written by a mother who was unaware that her 2nd child had downs syndrome until the baby was born. In the story the mother shared all of her thoughts and emotions before, during and after her daughter's birth - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Since Ty's delivery, his physical birth, I've thought about writing his birth story, though I guess only he and God truly know what that was like since he was born into Heaven and the arms of Jesus. I still wish I could have known the moment my sweet baby boy met Jesus. I guess my thought is that since God got to have him I at least wanted to be there when he took him. No mother wants her child to meet the Lord before she does, but I'm guessing that if it's going to happen then just about any mother would want to be with her child when his time on Earth was finished. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's definitely how I feel. I guess I was there, but I just didn't know it - I wish I knew it.

OK - here we go - deep breath - another deep breath... you may want to grab a kleenex or 2.

This is part 1 of Ty's birth story:

On Monday, January 26th, 2009 my 2nd child, Ty, met his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Monday, January 26th wasn't like any other day. It was the day I was to help interview for my long term substitute for my maternity leave. I was SO excited as it was just one step closer to meeting my 2nd child, a boy, who was either going to be named Camden Gary or Ty Gary - we were going to wait to meet him before we made the final decision. All morning I sat in on interviews, asking questions, scribbling down answers, thinking about which prospective teacher would mesh best with my students. I think it was the last candidate that we chose, but I knew right away that she was the one I wanted in my classroom, teaching my students. We chatted a bit before the interview in the office and she had that cool confidence. After her interview I told my principal that she was the one - no question about it.

Upon returning to my classroom at lunch-time I found that my morning had not gone too well. I had a feeling that might happen - when I checked in on my sub before school she was confused by my lesson plans (despite them being excessively detailed). Whatever, what was done was done and the kids would be fine. The full-time paraprofessional in my classroom was out for the day so there was a sub in for her, too. My students, I knew, were going to be "off" since over the noon-time hour the para sub was with them. Nothing she did wrong, having a sub just throws schedules and such off...

The afternoon went well, seemed rushed but went well. The read aloud for the day was, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" by Iza Tripani. It meant nothing to me then, but looking back now it has more meaning - sometimes I do wonder if a star is born whenever someone dies... After school I had a feeling like I should plan out my week a bit more than I already had - I had a feeling my entire pregnancy that my baby would be born before his due date, even from the moment I learned I was pregnant.

Walking from the car into our daycare provider's house I briefly noted to myself that I hadn't really felt the baby move much, if at all, that day. Odd since he had always been a busy guy, but I brushed it off as nothing big - Tegan had days where he was exceptionally quiet in my belly. I just made sure to pay a bit more attention for movement on the drive home.

Brendan must have gotten home early that day because when I got home with Tegan he was already there, suiting up to go out for a bike ride (yes, in January). I mentioned to him that Baby had been quiet all day so I was going to go lay down for a bit since that usually got him up and moving and then T and I would be at church as it was the first night of a new session of our Parents and Me music class. Brendan said "OK" and reminded me that he had his cell if I needed to get a hold of him for anything. Brendan left and Tegan and I went downstairs so that he could play and I could lay on the couch.

Around 5:00 (maybe it was 5:03, that time is sticking out in my mind) I laid down. Tegan kept trying to crawl all over me and I kept pushing him off telling him that Mommy needed some quiet time. Baby Boy #2 (now known as Ty) always started moving and grooving after just a few minutes of my laying quietly.

5 minutes passed - no movement

10 minutes passed - no movement

15 minutes passed - no movement

For a brief moment I thought about going to music class to see if that got Baby moving but I decided it was time to call the midwife. I remember exactly what I said:

"I'm sure it's nothing, but I haven't felt Baby move much today."

She agreed that he was probably just being quiet but being that I had already laid down and wasn't getting movement I should go in. She also suggested that I eat something before I go in and maybe my blood sugar was just low and that would get him moving - I ate a bowl of clam chowder that wasn't very good.

I called Brendan and told him what was going on and that I didn't need him to come with me, I'd be fine. I took Tegan across the street thinking I'd be home in an hour. I carried him up the driveway being extra careful not to fall since it was icy. I then got in the car and drove the 10 min to the hospital. As I passed the Home Depot I called my mother-in-law and left her a message:

"Hi, Devin, it's Jenn. I'm sure it's nothing but I just wanted to call and let you know what's going on. I haven't felt Baby move much today so they want me to come in and be monitored for a bit."

I don't remember how I ended the message...

It was about 6:15 or 6:30 when I got to the hospital. I parked on the opposite side of the parking lot than I normally parked on, near a street light to be safe.

I forgot my cell phone in my car.

The nurses on at the Family Birth Place/Center (whatever the official name is) were expecting me. I was taken to room 305 and told that a nurse would be in shortly. While I waited I turned on HGTV and began watching House Hunters.

When the nurse arrived I recognized her. I don't remember the nurse's name but she was the same nurse who lead/taught the baby class Brendan and I took when I was pregnant with Tegan. I commented on the memory to her and asked if she'd had a boy or a girl as she was pregnant when she taught the class. She had a boy.

Note: From here on out for some reason I feel like "Baby" became "Ty"... not sure why I feel like it should change here, but I do (you'll read in the next post about how "Baby" became "Ty"). Just a FYI.

For a good 5 minutes she tried to find Ty's heartbeat. She asked if I'd felt any movement since I arrived and I casually said, "No." She talked to Ty, jiggled my belly and tried to find the heartbeat again and again with no success. She concluded that she just must not have had the touch that night and was going to have another nurse come in and give it a try. I'm sure she knew what had happened at that point. At 1 day shy of 34 weeks it should have been no problem finding a baby's heartbeat. The thought of how serious the situation really was had not even crossed my mind.

It had been just a week since my last appointment where Ty's heartbeat was good and strong.

I think this was the point that I called Brendan and updated him on what was going on. He was at the furthest point out on the trail, about 2 hours away. I can't remember if I asked him to or if it was his decision, but at that point he turned around and was going to come to the hospital. After talking to him hours or days or weeks later (I can't remember when he told me) Brendan says it was at that moment, when I told him that there was still no movement and they couldn't find a heartbeat, that he knew what had happened. He has since put up a small cross at that very spot that he was at when I called him. Last he checked it was still there.

Shortly after I talked to Brendan my midwife came in with a really old looking ultrasound machine. She said she'd see what she could see. After a few minutes of her "looking" around she explained that she was "no ultrasound tech" and since it was such an old machine it gave pretty messy pictures so she couldn't tell what she was seeing. She said she'd call ultrasound downstairs and have them come up with one of their machines that were state of the art. I'm sure she was just stalling things at that point. Me, I was still completely unaware of what was going on - I now view my ignorance as a blessing.

Brendan arrived right around 8:45 as I was about 1/2 way though another House Hunters episode. The couple was from the Twin Cities - I want to say Plymouth, but I can't be for sure on that. Right after Brendan arrived so did the ultrasound tech with her big, fancy u/s machine. It was the same u/s tech that had performed the 20 week ultrasound on me and told us how beautiful our baby's organs were and that our baby was, very clearly, a boy.

Someone turned the lights off just before the ultrasound began. The tech was talking up a storm, explaining that she was taking pictures to show the midwife. Then she stopped talking.

That's when I briefly thought of what could have caused her to stop talking but quickly brushed it off as her focusing on her work.

She then took a few more pictures and quickly cleaned the gel off my belly and said very plainly that she was done. As she left the room I jokingly asked her, "dare I ask?"

Her response: "I'll let Dawn tell you."

It was then I knew but tried to brush it off again. I looked at Brendan but I don't remember his face.

Dawn, our midwife, came in and just shook her head holding back tears and said 2 words I'll never forget.

"I'm sorry."

I lost it.

I screamed.

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" "WHY?!"

"I don't know," she said.

"When?"

"The ultrasound tech said that based on the level of clotting around his heart it's been about 4 hours."

4 hours would have put Ty's death at just around 5pm. Right when I was laying down to get him moving. I was aware of him when he died, probably, but not aware of what was truly happening.

It was around 5pm on Monday, January 26th, 2009 that my child was born - born into the arms of his Father. His heavenly birth.

Heaven - the home that my child was born into.

6 Months and Then Some

Today was Casey's official 6-month well baby check-up. Technically, though, she is 6 months and 13 days old, so almost 6.5 months (where has the time gone?!). Here are her measurements:
Weight: 18.5 pounds - 86 %ile
Height: 26.6 inches - 73 %ile
Head Circumference: 17.6 inches - 93 %ile

Aunt Amanda & Casey

I can't get over how big my little girl is getting! She has more than tripled her birth weight by gaining nearly 13 pounds since she was born. She has grown 8.1 inches in length and I don't even remember her head circumference at birth, I'd have to check, but it was tiny (I'm thinking 12 inches???).


We also learned today that Casey is old enough to start baby yogurt (whole milk yogurt). So, we stopped at the store on the way home and got that along with lots of other stuff we needed (mostly fruit, cereal and something to make for dinner). As soon as we got home I got the cold stuff in the fridge, snapped off a strawberry-banana w/cereal yogurt for Miss C and she L-O-V-E-D it! Ate the entire container (less 3 bites that T had to "try" it). She then played for a few minutes in her Jumperoo and was then ready for her morning nap. Couldn't go down without nursing, too, so the girl nursed AND ate an entire container of yogurt! No wonder she's 18.5 pounds! Oh, and did I mention she was up to eat 5 times last night?! SERIOUSLY, Casey! I need some sleep!


Tegan is also making some great gains in his development. The boy is getting closer and closer to sleeping through the night (have I mentioned that he hasn't done that consistently yet? Ever!) AND he now goes poop on the potty!!! Hallelujah! The only thing we have left to do as far as potty training goes is to get him to wake up and go in the potty during the night. No clue on how to do that as the kid sleeps like a rock (when he's asleep) and the need to pee does not wake him up. I now put him in Good Night's (the step above pull-ups for older kids who have bed-wetting troubles) because he was peeing through his nighttime diaper every night.


Hope this finds you all happy and healthy! Take care and...


Love to all!
~j

Pearly Whites

It's true - Casey has teeth. Over Father's Day weekend Miss C cut her first 2 teeth and she let us (and anyone within ear-shot) know that she did not enjoy the experience. We were actually at a friend's wedding when the first tooth finally broke through the gums.

About an hour or so before the 1st tooth broke through the gums.

Casey was doing her high-pitched "singing" (as B calls it) and then she just stopped. When she suddenly got quiet I knew one of two things: 1) the tooth cut or 2) she gave up and was just super tired.

For several nights leading up to that day Casey had veered away from her normal sleep pattern of only getting up 1-2x a night and instead was waking anywhere between every 45 min - 2 hours wanting nothing but to nurse but then would be asleep within just a few minutes at the breast. It was exhausting, to say the least. Then, that night Casey went down around 8pm in my arms at the wedding and after waking for a brief period when we got to Brendan's sister's apartment (where we stayed the night) she slept until 5am (if I remember correctly). It was heavenly! The next day, I believe, is when the 2nd tooth broke through and I could tell life was going to be "normal" again (at least until the next set of teeth started bothering her).

Can you see the teeth?

How about now?

So what did I learn through this whole experience? Teething really does hurt! It never really bothered Tegan except for when he was getting his eye-teeth and molars and even then it was very quick and didn't effect his sleep and attitude towards life. All he needed was a little Tylenol and he was back to his normal self. Casey is the opposite, aside from drooling like MAD when teething. She voices her discomfort to the entire world, does not respond much to Tylenol and, as mentioned above, does not sleep well that last week or so before the teeth cut. She also cut her first tooth/teeth long before T did. I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure T didn't cut his first tooth until he was close to a year old... C, as you know, is just 6 months and being that she cut her tooth a few weeks ago was really only 5 1/2 months when hers made their appearance. I was hoping that maybe I'd get a reprieve from the night-time sleep disturbances due to teething, and I have to a point, but I have a feeling that the upper 2 front teeth are already bothering C as after a week or so break from the droolfest Casey is back to being a drool monster and her nighttime sleep is unpredictable. So, I'll keep you updated on how that goes and when the uppers make their grand appearance. UPDATE: so I started writing this a few days ago and she's still back to her up 2x/night routine. So hopefully it'll stay that way for a while. I'm still surprised that she's not sleeping longer. Casey used to sleep until almost 2 or 3am before waking for her first nighttime feeding and now is on a schedule of waking around 11:30 and again at 3:30 (so every 4 hours). Her 6 month appointment is next week, so we'll learn her official weight then, but I'd guess she's around 17 pounds. SO, as far as size goes, she's definitely big enough to sleep for a longer period of time at night than she is...

T (3 yrs 5 mo) & C (6 mo)

Oh, and how could I forget? Here are her 5 and 6 month pictures on the red chair. :)

5 months

6 months

All for now, love to all!
~j

Yes, We're Alive

I know you may think that we fell off the face of the earth being that it's been 5 or 6 weeks since my last post, but we are still alive and doing well. Even Brendan got on my case for a lack of blogging the other day. Having 2 kids requires so much more attention than one, and the funny thing is that it's actually Tegan that's requiring more energy than Casey. HA! Additionally, we have been quite busy, especially with the official start of Brendan's race season and all the commitments that come with summer (weddings, playdates, yard/garden work, housekeeping, etc.)



I don't even know where to begin (do I say that every time I blog now?)

Hm... well, over the 2nd weekend in May I packed the kids up and the 3 of us headed over to the Madison, WI area for a long weekend of visiting friends and a wedding shower I was co-hosting. We stayed with my dear friend Jessica, her husband and 2 children, Eli & Celia (C.C.). Eli was just 10 days shy of 5 when we were visiting and C.C. is 2 1/2 and as sweet as can be. Despite Tegan and Eli having twin personalities and butting heads quite a bit (they are both strong willed little boys!) they did have some good playtime together and were sad when it was time for us to say goodbye. C.C. strikes me much like what I anticipate Casey to be like when she gets older - a little girl who adores her big brother, follows his lead but also likes to stand back and quietly observe a lot, too. However, after saying this I also must mention that a few weeks ago Casey discovered how to control the pitch and volume of her voice. For a while there she truly enjoyed practicing this skill as much as she could, especially exercising the ability to control the volume. Brendan refers to it as singing - if it's her singing, then sorry sweetie, but you are not going to be the next Christina Aguilera.

A few weeks ago T got to spend the weekend with my parents while B, C and I headed over to Milwaukee to attend the wedding of Brendan's college roommate. We just decided that 12 hours in the car over a 24 hour period would be a lot for Tegan and he'd have more fun with Gramma and Papa - we were right! The wedding was beautiful - outside overlooking Lake Michigan with the reception just a few hundred feet away from the ceremony site in a nice little restaurant. Here's a few pics of B and C keeping cool.
Tegan continues to grow and mature (socially, emotionally, cognitively and physically) with each day. He is acutely aware of Casey and her needs at all times. If she's crying, he lets me know, even if I'm holding Miss C. However, in saying that he's also becoming more and more independent and opinionated (though I didn't think it was possible for him to do that as he was already quite a strong willed and opinionated little guy). His rude attitude and stubbornness are hitting (what I hope) is an all time high. The kid just doesn't understand that when Mommy and Daddy say "no" or "stop" we mean it and when we say "if you ____ one more time we will take away ___" we WILL follow through. Whenever he asks me for something and I don't answer in the way that he wants I get quite the attitude from him and he won't back down without a fight, which has been happening a lot (the "fight" a.k.a. him using a rude tone of voice with me and after stomping and yelling landing himself in timeout with toys taken away for the day). I hate seeing him get so upset, but I'm also SO frustrated with his lack of following rules and directions and blatantly disobeying me with a smirk on his face while he does it. Needless to say the other day the kid went to bed with 75% of his toys put away in garbage bags or out of reach on a tall counter and without bedtime books or story. It was a rough day on T and I - I even cried in front of him (which I didn't want to do) but I think him seeing that got to him and he realized how upset I was. The kid is, and has always been for that matter,very aware of the emotions of others and does not ever intend to hurt anyone's feelings. As soon as he saw me crying he stopped his screaming and kicking and all that (tantrum) and immediately hugged me, apologized and we had a serious heart to heart about how much his bad behavior and lack of following directions hurts Momma and Daddy makes us very sad. I have to say, in the days since then I have had to remind T to follow directions much less. Maybe that was the trick. Not saying he's done a 180 and is a perfect angel now. The kid did start to throw a fit yesterday when it was time to leave the beach (we went down to Lake Calhoun with my long-term substitute and the kids she's nannying this summer), but the fit was very short lived and he settled down much more quickly than it's taken in recent weeks/months. I'm sure it's all part of being a 3 year-old but I'm still allowed to NOT like it one bit.

Totally switching subjects: For over a year I've been talking about getting a big blank canvas (or a few smaller ones) and letting T go wild on them with paint. A few weeks ago I finally did it. I went and got four 16x20" canvases from Micheal's (craft store) along with some Crayola washable paint and ooh-gobs of kids paint brushes. I put those foam workout/kids' play mats on the garage floor (since I could just hose them off afterward) and gave T 7 colors to use: red, orange, yellow, blue, green, brown & white (T insisted on white even though the canvas was already white - but I knew he might mix it with some colors and it would probably turn out cool). I then put the canvases together so that it could be one big piece of art and then I'd then separate and hang them a few inches from each other. There were definitely a few times when I began to regret the project but I made myself (or at least tried) to relax and remember that I needed to just let T be 3. At one point I caught him pouring the green bottle into the brown bottle and I nearly called the whole thing off but I didn't, again reminding myself that it was all part of the experience and it' just paint. :) After drying in the garage overnight and, of course more procrastination on my part, I hung T's first masterpiece(s) in his room and I think it turned out pretty darn cool! What do you think? I also hung his framed train poster, which I've been meaning to do for several months, too. HA!

Before I forget, here are a few of the things T has said recently that are either really sweet or cute or just plain need to be remembered as well as some of his favorite things:)
- "Look, Mom, it's the TVS truck!" -- it took me a while to figure out that he was talking about the UPS truck.
- T: "You're lucky, Mom!"
Me: "Why am I lucky?"
T: "Because I love you!"
- "Not anyfang!" (meaning "anything") This phrase follows when we ask him what he wants for breakfast, lunch or dinner. The only thing he wants to eat lately are snacks like Popsicles (his FAVORITE thing int he world. Especially green and orange ones). He's still a big fan of fruit nuggets (like fruit snacks but 70% or so real fruit and occasionally marshmallows, too). Favorite meal foods are the typical kids favorites: hot dogs & mac 'n cheese. I made spinach and cheese ravioli the other night and he really liked that. He's a fruit and juice-aholic. The kid refuses to eat veggies (knowingly that is) so I've resorted buying juice that has veggie juice in it mixed with the fruit juice. I thought w had a break through the other night as he wanted to eat Casey's squash, ate almost an entire baby container of it... but he's refused to do so since.
- The kid is addicted to the Backyardigans show from Nick Jr. We've got a DVD with 4 episodes on it and he L-O-V-E-S it. I love it because it really encourages imagination, imaginative play and working together. The kid walks around singing the songs and reciting phrases from it every daily.
- T is now into "exercising". This consists of him getting in semi-push-up position but with butt up in the air and then pushing up and down with his arms and legs. It's pretty naughty looking, actually. HA! He'll also jump around, jump on one leg... stuff like that and say he's exercising.
- The pool is still the "cool" according to Tegan. We've had it out a lot this summer as it's been pretty darn warm and humid. Even a several days where it's been down right HOT! A great excuse for the neighbor kids (including T's girlfriend, Lilly, remember her?) to come over and play. :)
- T's been adding "y" or "ey" to the end of a lot of his words, especially when he's whiney. So he'll say things like, "I need my beddy" or "I need my bikey". It's so frustrating at this point because it usually means he's getting overstimulated or just plain tired/worn-out and a tantrum (large or small) is potentially on the horizon.

Then there's Miss Casey. The little lady continues to grow more and more each day. Her hair has even noticeably gotten longer and thicker just over the past week. The girls gonna have dark hair like her mommy and daddy. :) She's also basically sitting on her own, though I don't let her do so for long as her little belly is so big that if she's eaten anything within the last 2-3 hours she's very susceptible to spitting it up if she's sitting. She still leans over quite a bit when trying to sit so her belly gets super squished. She'll usually just sit there and grunt - makes me laugh, that's for sure.

Casey's hair has really started to grow over the past few weeks. I was looking through pictures I've taken and was just astonished by how long and thick it's gotten! She's also growing as an individual and gaining so much personality. I just love all the cute faces she makes a us. She's now content to lay and talk to herself after she wakes from a nap and even in the morning when she's gotten up for the day. I enjoy standing outside of her room and listening to the conversations she has with herself. It's truly cute.
She is also rolling over and seems to prefer to sleep on her belly, so no more swaddling. She sleeps better when her lower half is swaddled, even from the armpits down, but I worry about leaving her in her bed with a large blanket as she frequently wiggles herself out of the blanket and then pulls it around with her has she moves around the crib.

Enough for now - I'll post this so that there's something new and will begin working on another post soon (I promise). I'll make sure to post C's 5 and 6-month pics (the ones I take in the red chair) in that one.

Take care and love to all!
~j